she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
