Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
