On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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