Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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