can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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