he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
