I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
