She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Who died my cat blue again?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
