she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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