we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
