I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
