My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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