$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
