So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
