i just had sex bonerless
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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