$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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