she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
