I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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