i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
