Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
