I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
