We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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