Can i not drive my cunt home
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
