In the future we'll all be gay
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
