I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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