I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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