You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
