I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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