dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
