just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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