Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
