You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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