His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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