false alarm. still invincible.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
