I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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