Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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