I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
