After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
