just survived the first fart of the relationship.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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