Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
