New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
