Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My vagina is officially offended.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
