just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
