We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
