can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
