oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
