now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
