you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
