If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
