Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
