time to smoke my breakfast
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
